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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our parents are still independent, but we had a conversation that is making me think: What do we owe our aging parents in terms of staying close by? They made it clear to us that being nearby is important as they age, that it is our responsibility to look after them, and that we should not move away until they are gone.

Given that they had us young and the longevity in our family, it’s conceivable that we could be caring for them until we ourselves are 80 or so.

We reassured them that if we decided to make a move out of state after we retire, we would either ask them to relocate with us or make sure they had care in the form of assisted living or in-home aides. I don’t think they liked this answer.

I understand that it’s important to look after our parents, but does that mean sacrificing our own desires in terms of where to live???

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Nope, it is not your responsibility to "stay nearby".

My parents live on the other coast from us.  We offered to help them move near us and get a place.  They didn't want to.  Preferred to stay where they have lived for 40+ years.

We finally convinced them to sell their home and move into a CCRC while still healthy 6 years ago.  They are LMC, but very frugal and saved a ton.  They were eligible to move in but we had to pay the huge entry fee.  We did that as our "obligation" to help our parents.  This way we don't feel stressed--if we are on vacation or busy with work and something happens, they have everything they need.  If they need to transition to the next level of care, it will happen automatically.  So if I cannot get to them for another 24 hours (it's 2 flights to get to them normally, so 10-12 hours door to door).  This way they are well cared for and we don't have to worry.  
Now my parents are independent and dont' expect us to "care for them"--they want to do it themselves, so that helps. 
But they certainly don't expect us to move nearby.  we offered to bring them near us, but this is the best of both worlds.  They are happy, near friends and doctors and in a great place, still in Ind living, but should next level of care be needed easy transition.  And they are nearby each other if that happens so they can still see each other daily
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