Reply to Teen-ternity Leave - Is this a thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Quitting now with my oldest in their first year of middle school and my youngest still in elementary school.

You can pay for good quality childcare when the kids are in their baby and toddler years - good childcare means kids get exposure to language, get socialized, etc. I have no guilt for working when they were young.

As they get older, I realized I want to be the main influence in their lives - and you are really competing with friends and media in a way you aren’t when they are younger.

We also have different conversations now - and I want to be there for them. [/quote]

It's part of the natural process of development that peers are the main influence for kids in middle school and up. You're still important but you're no longer at the center. Not working won't change that.

[/quote]
That’s not always the case. Teens need a responsible constant adult in their life to talk to. A parent is best. [b]They only look to their peers if there parent is absent emotionally or physically [/b][/quote]

That’s not at all true.  Peers rise in importance as children enter adolescence and that is a natural and expected pattern. [/quote]

DP - both peers and parents matter for teenagers, but in different ways.  I like Lisa Damour’s analogy best, which is that, for teenagers, parents are like the side of the pool.  They come to us when they need a break or something solid to hold onto before they go back swimming.  For me, that means being close enough to be available at some point most days, whether that’s before school, right when they get home, dinner, carpooling, at bedtime, etc.  I’m glad for them to spend lots of time with peers, as long as they know I’m available, too.  Those things are not mutually exclusive.

I also don’t regret making time for them when they were very young.  They needed me and DH then, too, even if that looked different than it does now.  [/quote]

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