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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I identify with you, op.
The issue is my dh doesn’t want to connect. He wants to talk about himself. His work issues, his problems his concerns his stress.
If I don’t stop and say “well now I’m going to talk about something going on with me!” He would never ask.

I leave the house to go for walks if I want to listen to something. I lock my home office door.
Or I started going out of town for 48 hours solo.

I can’t change him. I can only change myself and my approach. [/quote]

I was going to write something similar. The things he wants to say at me are always some variation of 1) too much work 2) not enough work 3) other people get paid more than him. He doesn’t do anything besides work and hang out with the kids so there’s not much to talk about. Plus he doesn’t have any friends left and he wants me to take the place of all his lapsed friendships. I am honestly at a point where I just do whatever and he will have to deal. I have asked him to go to therapy again many times and he won’t so I am not going to make myself crazy because he wants to use me as a coping mechanism for his own imbalanced life.[/quote]

This really resonated. DH rarely goes into the office and has entirely too much time on his hands with no real friendships, hobbies, or connections. So I am told the play by play of every meeting, project, gripe, and complaint that’s he’s undervalued. It’s the running dialogue of his day and thoughts that enter his mind. I support him emotionally. I support him in a way a colleague should. I support him in a way a buddy or fellow dude should. I listen to him the way a therapist, friend, coworker, literally whoever else I’m forgetting except the conversation isn’t reciprocal.[/quote]

NP. God, this. You are my therapy sister. DH seems to think it’s sweet when he says “I don’t need anyone in my life but YOU” - I finally broke down last night and told him Yeah, you need other people. Multiple other people. You need actual coworkers and a gym buddy and a book club.
He is like a jack russell terrier and I am his only exercise. It’s exhausting. Meanwhile by the time I am done listening to the play by play of precisely what the work email said and what the cashier said and where they moved the sodas to at target… I am in no mood to share what happened during MY day. He just gets “It was fine.”
These husbands need a play group. [/quote]

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