Reply to In-laws coming for ten days

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home.  They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year.  She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice? [/quote]

I get how you are feeling. However, I would advise to make the best of this time so your kids don't remember you as the [b]sour puss.[/b] Make it a happy family time. For spring vacation, make a plan for family to visit your mom or have her over and make the most of that time as well. Even if everyone can't make it, either have your mom visit or go visit her by yourself and have a great time. Don't make it a competition of whose parents come first. [/quote]

See, PP's stupidity riles me up. Why is it always on the MOTHER to take on all the burden? Why is she the first to get blamed if she doesn't do all the work, fake it and smile?
It's patently unfair. That sort of stress can lead to serious anxiety and depression, and take years off your life.

My kids would never think less of me for trying to manage my own mental health. They understand it's work to welcome guests into our home (because I ask them to do the vacuuming, moping and dusting!). They know their grandparents are challenging. My husband isn't the sort to help or be emotionally available, and my kids know that too (they suffer from it themselves).

So stop it. OP is entitled to do whatever she needs to do to balance her family obligations and her own mental health. You don't get to tell her what she can't and cannot do.

And I suggest we go very lightly on mothers during the Holidays - not grandparents with nothing to do or husbands who don't lift a finger. The working mothers (whether working for a salary or not) who are expected to do the majority of the planning, gift-giving, scheduling, food preparation and cooking. If you do the bulk of the work, you get to decide where it's going and to whom!!!

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