Reply to Are my expectations for cross-country visits unreasonable?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

To clear up a couple of points. We have offered to pay for his airfare, but he hasn’t accepted. He is very independent and has never been willing to take money from us/others. He has a notebook of the 2-3 times we paid his rent during college (because he was broke). He keeps saying he wants to pay us back, but we haven’t let him because we don’t feel like he owes us anything.

I am able to fly to see him, we did do a big family trip to DC two years ago, and are currently planning another trip. However, thanks to a drunk driver, I have a significant amount of metal in my body that makes it hard to get through security. [/quote]

That's a BS reason to not travel. My DH has two knee replacements and has no problem getting through security. He tells them up front that he has two fake knees and they use the wand. Get TSA precheck.[/quote]

This. OP -  this selfish/martyr mindset happens quickly ,but can be stopped if you can own up to your behavior and truly answer - what kind of relationship do I want to have with my ds (and future grandkids.....play the long game here, OP)? Why are you separating yourself from your family? Your dh travels, but not you, to these events? That is your choice. If you have residual PTSD from the accident, that's on YOU to fix. It is NOT your ds' responsibility to do that. My dh has metal in his leg from the military. It takes a 2 second conversation with a TSA agent. You're making excuses and letting life pass you by. There is also a nice thing called xanax.

I assume you are 50-65ish. You will not get younger. If you don't maintain a youthful mindset, you will age faster than you can imagine. And if you don't put in the work to stay in his life, he will not put in the work later when you are LITERALLY physically unable to travel. He is doing exactly what he should be doing. When I was early in my career I had TEN days in total to be sick and go on vacation. You are being very selfish to expect him to use his days on you. He deserves a vacation that doesn't revolve around you. He should be focusing on building his life in DC. He owes you nothing. And if you make it a power struggle, you will lose.

Get some therapy, get your butt on a plane, and live your life. [/quote]

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