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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Husband interrupts whatever I am doing "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Could it be Aspergers? My DH comes to talk to me just when I’m in the throne, trying to do my business quietly. [/quote] DCUM, as ever, immediately leaping to a medical diagnosis. Not everything has to be pathologized and made into a diagnosis for treatment. I haven't read the whole thread (so please bear that caveat in mind), but:OP, when you say he "doesn't take kindly" to your asking him to talk later--what does "doesn't take kindly" mean? That is key here, to me. If he gets angry or upset, if he fumes or pouts or brings it up poutily later on, those behaviors are out of proportion (as you know already). I'd focus on why he can't simply understand you're busy and say, "Oh, right." When you tell him, "Can we talk later," do you follow up later, give him your attention, and say, "You wanted to talk earlier! What's up?" etc.? If you already do that, does he then engage, or does he get pouty and clam up as a way to punish you? Also, have you told him exactly what you said in your first post here--the explanation about being "on" constantly for both work and kids, and your need for specific, non-talking down time? I'd have that talk and I would not wing it, but would jot down what I wanted to say, and would have this talk when the kids are not around and he has NOT just tried to interrupt immediately beforehand. He sounds like he needs a very focused face-to-face at a calm time--not in the moment, when he's interrupting; he'll just fail to "take it kindly" in the moment. I know. You should not need to manage an adult like that. But one very focused, you-have--my-full-attention conversastion sounds needed. Not reaaction as the annoying behavior is taking place. If all else is good, don't let this -- intensely annoying as it can get -- harm an otherwise good relationship. My own DH is very social and enthusiastic and loves to share with me about something he's just read in the paper or seen on TV or something that just happened in his work day (we are both WFH). I adore that he is so sharing and talkative, but I also am not a multi-tasker and I get distracted very easily, so sometimes I have to say, "Hold that thought 'til lunchtime" or whatever, and I try always to circle back and ask what he wanted to tell me. The difference might be that my DH is easygoing and never "fails to take it well" like your DH does. Maybe focus less on the interruptions and more on why he sees it as a personal slight if you simply say "I'm in the middle of something." It's not a slight at all, so why are his reactions so touchy? Is he touchy in other ways? [/quote]
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