Reply to What's the best elder model to unburden our own children

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "What's the best elder model to unburden our own children"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is no single answer; it depends on finances, relationships, location. Conversations and planning with a good estate attorney are important. Having contingency plans is important. Being realistic about what people will actually do is important. If you have a child that is distant they probably are not going to be a significant part of your life as you age.

I hate senior living communities and will do everything I can to avoid it. It’s quite a ways off for me, [b]but I will make my home as appropriate for aging in place as possible.[/b] I also know how important it is to remain active physically and mentally. Maintaining my independence is very important to me, so that’s a major priority for me.

I update my estate plan as needed and have made choices to minimize tax, minimize labor, and minimize decision making (including my final arrangements).

One thing I have done as I’ve taken care of elders is write letters to myself. I’ve taken note of the things that were very difficult for me as a caretaker, things that I really wished my family member had done differently, and things that worked. As I’m aging, I hope those letters will help me remember lessons learned from the caretaking side of the fence.[/quote]

So...what is the plan when you can no longer reasonably care for yourself?  Will you interview various in-home agencies when you are relatively capable and then have that lined up at the appropriate time?  Will you be in any condition to even make that call?  Will your family be close by?
[/quote]
In the first place, not all elders become incapable of self-care and the majority don’t live in care communities. But it’s always a possibility that one will have a bad decline. [b]If I need minor help, my niece and one of my children will want to help, and I will hire help as well.[/b] My other children may or may not choose to help very much. They are very American, less dedicated to extended family. Perhaps that will change 20 or 30 years from now, but I don’t expect it. Part of the key is maintaining communication and having backup plans ready. What will happen if my niece has a child with special needs or some other toll that must come first? It’s important for any family to have contingency plans.

Now if I end up with a dementia diagnosis or some other horrific disease, I am fortunate to be a dual citizen and will have access to MAID (those of you planning to “go to Switzerland,” it’s not always so simple, especially if you only have American citizenship). If I am diagnosed with something that’s a fast finish, I will choose hospice care[/quote]

This doesn't seem like much of a plan.  This sounds like the "plan" our current parents also have, which means there is no plan, but rather the concepts of a plan.

Have you worked out an explicit arrangement with your niece or child?  Will payment be involved?  Have you interviewed agencies or have any idea as to how to hire help?  Do you expect your children will do this?

[/quote]
[b]For context, I still have an older elementary child at home. [/b]This thread was about how to approach aging without “burdening.” It would be very premature for me to interview agencies or have a nuts and bolts agreement with family members. I’ve cared for most of the elders in my family, so yes, I know how to talk to agencies. 😂 Yes, my niece and adult child have expressed their desire and commitment to helping when I age. I have my priorities and responsibilities and as things change in the future we will do our best to prepare and plan with contingencies. Barring some horrific accident, [b]I won’t even begin to need help for 20-30 years at the earliest. And possibly not then.[/b] Some in my family live into their late 90s in their own homes with extremely minimal help. Nevertheless, I will make plans with my family, and revise them as things change.

[b]Most people my age aren’t thinking about aging plans at all yet. [/b]Sorry you’re so pissed at your parents but your snide remarks are unwarranted. [/quote]

I'm not the pp you quoted.

The age of the child in your home doesn't give context at all.   This is DCUM, where many women give birth in their late 40s--so you could be nearly 60 years old with an older elementary child.   Or maybe you were a teen mom and you're only 26 with an elementary age child at home.

And some people need help in their 60's-my mom did.   And like you, her parents, grandparents, etc. healthy lives until their 90s-so it was very unexpected that she needed help at such a relatively young age.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics