Reply to NYT The Daily: The Parents Aren't All Right

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think another reason for the rise in “intensive parenting” is that people have so few kids these days. If you only have a couple of kids (like I do, as do most families I know), 1) you have more time to invest/micromanage their lives, and 2) the stakes may feel even higher re:  how they turn out. Each kid can feel like a “project” to be managed, vs when people routinely had 4-5+ kids. [/quote]

Hmm, I see this differently.

When I was 1 of 4 my parents couldn't meet our needs (and their own) at the same time no matter how hard they tried. My brother had an undiagnosed special needs for years. I have an overbite that was never treated and have had tons of dental work as an adult to address it. Another brother developed addiction issues. My house was chaotic and stressful growing up and no one really felt good.

Now I have a small family and it's so much easier. Yes I feel the stress and pressure other people are talking about regarding judgment of my parenting or the costs of childcare and housing and college. But in terms of actual parenting it's so calm and easy with fewer needs. I work out regularly and have a hobby. Our house is often quiet. Everyone sleeps. There's very little conflict. There are way fewer financial issues.

I really do not think having fewer kids is a source of added stress. For me it's been the biggest reduction in stress compared to my own childhood.[/quote]

I wasn’t really trying to say that fewer kids = more stress, just that having fewer is part of what even allows parents to have enough time to be so intensely involved. But obviously this varies by family. I am the middle kid of 5 (with a SAHM), and I never felt neglected, ignored, etc. We all got the medical care & education we needed.  Our house was often chaotic, but not in a bad way. But we did spend a lot of time together as siblings, but away from adults. [/quote]

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