Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in charge of 95%+ of the household admin and am the main breadwinner. I am constantly resentful bc I am always either working, doing admin or at best telling dh to do things bc he does not initiate the need to do or buy anything that needs to be bought or happen. He took ds to an 8th birthday party today while I took other dc on overnight for travel sport. I reminded him multiple times about party and that he would need a gift; he said he would get the gift. ds tells me this evening that they were late to the party bc dh overslept and had no gift so gave kid money in envelope. 
yes dh has adhd. yes is on meds. 
[b]I just don't get the mentality.[/b] Is it an assumption that I'll just do it? Or weaponized incompetence or like - what is benefit to dh of being like this? I do not understand. [/quote]

I think by calling it a mentality you're acting like it's something people are CHOOSING to do. I have a friend who is always late. ALWAYS. I've left her behind for things before and we just don't wait for her anymore, but it's one of her only faults and she says she can't help it, it's just the way her brain works, and I've decided to accept it. She actually does care very much about letting people down but there is something that always convinces her that she has time for X, Y, and Z before leaving the house and she just doesn't but she cannot learn that. One time she said she was sorry she was late but she had to vacuum before she came to dinner. I said oh did something spill? No, she just needed to vacuum.

So it's possible your husband might just be incapable of remembering and planning things. Or it's possible that he's a complete jerk and he's trying to weaponize his incompetence so that he doesn't have to do anything. My husband isn't anything like that but he also likes to have things in the actual calendar because he doesn't have the virtual calendar in his head that I do, which is fine. [/quote]

your friend chooses to be late because she has learned that you tolerate it. ask her if she’s late to jury duty, work, daycare pickup … [/quote]

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