Reply to Giving more financial support to one kid and the others are angry

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[quote=Anonymous]I am the succcessful sibling in this scenario. I am married and have a few children, a mortgage, car loan, all the trappings of a UMC life. I have no serious crises at the moment and my life is mostly pretty stable.

What this has gotten me from Mom and Dad is: ignored. One of my siblings, in particular, has eaten up untold amounts of my parents' time, money, and energy for many years and continues to do so. AFAIK there are no disabilities or SN; he has anxiety and anger issues, but refuses to seek treatment for them. As a result our relationship is cordial but strained; I long ago set strict boundaries with him and I do not allow him to treat me like a doormat (unlike my parents, whom he walks all over). He doesn't work; hasn't in years. My folks support him financially and cater to his every need. Their relationship is codependent; they're convinced he can't succeed on his own footing, and so that has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He's convinced of it too.

I don't need or expect financial support from my parents. But it really chafes to see them continue to throw all their energy into dealing with my brother, and not give me or my kids the time of day. My kids adore their grandparents and would do anything to see more of them. But whenever they come to visit, they're always "checking in" with him on their phone and spend the whole time texting with him, worried about... something. He is always the focus, and has been for many years. I wouldn't trade my life with my brother's for anything; he's a deeply unhappy person. But my parents' refusal to set the most basic of boundaries with their adult son, and their continued enabling of his poor behavior, has caused a bigger rift than they'll ever acknowledge. My sister, who also has made a decent life for herself, shares my views.

Enabling $ucks and it affects the "stable" ones in the family too. [/quote]

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