Reply to Just found out my ex is trans

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?[/quote]

+1 I can’t imagine finding anything to ‘process’ about a relationship I had with some 20 years ago unless it came to light he was a mass murder or some other horrific criminal while I knew him. [/quote]

Weird exception since his becoming a mass murderer or criminal *also* would be 100% NOT about you….
So again—why is this something that OP needs to process? It isn’t about her and doesn’t impact her. It’s gossip about someone she used to know, and she finds it curious and titillating….but it literally has no impact on her at all.[/quote]

Different pp here. I agree with you that that she obviously finds it titillating for some reason but she frames it as something that needs to be processed (How do I process this?). Yes it would be an interesting thing about someone I used to date but that would be it.

Here's what I think is happening, the OP is a bisexual woman in a straight marriage. Many bisexual people are in straight marriages because it's easier to have kids that way and the straight dating pool is a lot larger. It's also easier to just fit into society since it was basically made for straight people to exist. This leads a lot of bisexual people to feel erased. They're still queer but they feel like they aren't seen and may even feel invalid or "not queer enough" compared to other people that are either in same sex relationships or are trans (asexual people often feel this way too). Her ex is going to be living as a queer person in the world. It's obviously not easy to be a trans woman but there are in-group benefits that a visibly queer person gets that a bisexual in a straight marriage does not.

So my guess is that she's titillated by it and probably somewhat jealous even if she doesn't say it in her post because her ex who she thought was cis is now going to be living a completely different lifestyle than her and while I'm sure she's satisfied with where she's at, there's always going to be questions of what her life could have been if she had gone down a different path.[/quote]

I think the transwoman seemed like a man at the time and fooled OP.  I don’t know that her sexuality in necessarily not straight (if she’s straight in every other relationship?) but I’m interested in the idea.[/quote]

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