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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm from the UK and I've found that one real barrier to making friends here (or rather to having deeper friendships) has been this one - what seems to be cultural - difference around sharing parenting challenges. In the UK it's tacitly understood for the most part that if you share something that's hard about parenting, unless you specifically ask, you're not looking for advice but more so solidarity or to laugh about it or just to share and feel less alone or incompetent. Among the moms at my kids school I find almost universally that if i share something that's hard, they give me advice. For me personally it's a real barrier to friendships bc a. I often don't need or want advice per se and b. it sort of stops any kind of bonding or even really conversation in its tracks. 
Is this an american cultural thing where if someone shares something hard it's assumed they want input or is my school different in some way? would love to find a tribe that I can laugh about my kids imitating youtubers rather than hear a 15 minute diatribe on how someone else is crushing it with not letting this happen. [/quote]

But giving advice, to us is bonding!  If you share something and I have experienced it too and 'solved' that shared problem than why are you against hearing solutions.  It seems if you really want a tribe you have to lower your barriers or move back to England.[/quote]

I am American and I find getting advice in response to just trying to commiserate about some difficult aspect of parenting [b]extremely off-puttin[/b]g. I also think people who give a lot of advice often over-estimate their knowledge or assume that because they "solved" an issue like kids fighting bedtime or picky eating or potty training or whatever for their own kid that they are experts and should be telling others what to do. But what works for one kid often doesn't work for another and also solutions to problems like this are often very family specific -- it depends on your schedule and your marriage and the layout of your house and a bunch of factors that vary a lot. Often advice-givers ignore all these factors (because they think the problem got solved due to their expert parenting only) and will even argue with you if you say "no I can't do that" and then get mad at you because you won't take their advice when they are "just trying to help."

I guarantee there are people in your orbit you absolutely hate your advice-giving and just tolerate it out of politeness.[/quote]

Maybe we are also tired of you complaining about the same issue over and over.  Either stop complaining to us or do something!  Btw, if I get the vibe that people don't want advice I stop.  [/quote]

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