Reply to ASD and Empty Nesting-Accepting the Relationship With Your Child is Not the One You Wanted

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Reply to "ASD and Empty Nesting-Accepting the Relationship With Your Child is Not the One You Wanted"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m so sorry this is so hard. Please understand that it’s hard on your son too. He too is going through a difficult change. Therapy for you is extremely important because you seem to be interpreting signs of his disability as if he is choosing them in order to be hurtful to you. He is not. Cutting off contact with him until Fall break is actively closing a door when he is at a fragile time. Please get therapy. You both could be so much happier. I say this as a fellow parent of a late diagnosed autistic child. In my darker moments I interpreted things as you do - as if my child were letting me down. The things he is doing and the person he is becoming are not a choice. He is disabled. He is monotropic. He likely still loves you deep inside but is undergoing so much change right now that he cannot show it. I am more or less typically developing and I was a real piece of work towards my parents at ages 18-30. Truly. I was an a**hole. Thought I knew everything. Give it time. Get some therapy. Reignite an old hobby or discover a new one. [/quote]

Thank you. This is what I’ve told myself for so long now! I don’t know what pushed it over the edge but I just suddenly realized…I don’t have to TAKE this behavior. Maybe because they were so insistent on independence.[/quote]

You don’t have to take it. You don’t have to keep reaching out. But don’t close the door either. Your son is in a fragile place. Away from home. Limited social skills. You don’t want him to simultaneously have a script in his head that he let down his mom. Let your husband do the outreach. Stay available. He will need you. Invest in yourself in the meantime. You have a backlog of resentment to work through. It will take time. [/quote]

+1 
All of this.

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