Reply to Anyone tried for some time to get over a spouse’s infidelity and you just couldn’t?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to get to the other side.  I’ve really tried, done a ton of work, as has he, and many times I feel happy and even that we are in a much better place than before the affair.

However, the nagging doubts that he will be faithful long term.  The anger at being cast aside, the grief that I’ll never be able to say I had a faithful husband/marriage, the worry that the aging process will inevitably mean he wants someone younger, etc.  I do not  really know how to move through all of that.  And when will the bad dreams and intrusive thoughts, and comparing stop?  How to handle women openly being flirtatious toward him even if I’m there? (This one floors me- and it’s definitely not my imagination) FWIW we are in our 50s and kids in college. My husband is very attractive, fit, and successful.  I had a good career then stayed at home with the kids and supported his very intense career with a lot of work travel.  Just to flesh out the dynamic a bit.

Yes, I’m in therapy.

Advice welcome from others who’ve been in similar situations. [/quote]

This is exactly me, word for word, except that my kids are still in high school. How do you relax when your attractive, successful husband travels and is surrounded by beautiful, smart, younger women all the time...and he has shown he is capable of straying once? He thinks we are happier than we have ever been, but inside, I'm not at peace. [/quote]

The peace comes from knowing you will be OK no matter what. You have to work on the PTSD that wants you to be on high alert at all times -- therapy, yoga, meditation. Infidelity can strike any relationship, especially with attractive and successful partners; what we had before was a false sense of security. But plenty of people have remarried someone they deemed "safer" only to be cheated on again. You have to assess your situation for what it is . . . has your husband gone to therapy, made changes, etc.? Is he someone who is comfortable cutting corners, telling lies, etc.? Does he surround himself with people with good morals, or are his friends kind of meh?

So you make an informed decision, for now. You can make a different decision in the future if the information changes. There are no guarantees in life, but you can love and trust yourself deeply, and you can have peace from the knowledge that you will be OK no matter what. [/quote]

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