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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't see that the OP is interfering or wishing ill with her mom's care at all. The reality is that no-one wants to deal with her mother. The neighbors certainly do not either. Would you? Would you want to deal with an elderly neighbor whose kids want nothing to do with her? Obviously they also must think that something's gone wrong. OP's simply trying to figure out what she should do given that nobody wants to deal with her mother. Perhaps the best is to call the local social services and see what they say. Otherwise the reality is that "someone" will find her dead and that's the end of it. [/quote]

We don’t know what the neighbors or others are willing to do.

Yes, I have been the primary caretaker for neighbors and friends whose children for various reasons were in absentia, including estrangement by their children. Sometimes people are awful to their children, but not to others. Sometimes children unfairly blame and go NC with parents. It was fine for me.

OP is estranged from her mother. She ought to leave it alone. She has no clue what her mother’s needs are or what her mother wants. She chose to sever the relationship. You can’t just call from afar or show up, especially when you have such a vitriolic attitude towards the elder, and start making decisions. Justified or not, when you go NC, you no longer have the right or responsibility for the parent. And it’s not in the elder’s interest for someone with so much anger to make decisions about them.

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