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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My guess is the thing that initially attracted you to him (his laid back nature, low-confrontation, easy-going, agreeable vibe) is now just landing differently from your point of view.

He probably hasn’t changed.

It’s just that you are now realizing that these boy-ish low-key traits are not very useful to building wealth or climbing the “success” ladder in the corporate world, and as a more mature adult, you now see the need for different traits in a partner in order for your family to get where you wanted to go.

You probably can’t right that ship, OP—but you’ll be happier if you take ownership of some of this. You probably just didn’t pick a mate with those essential traits. For whatever reason, that served your younger self well (maybe he was supportive of your ambitious goals, maybe he was super agreeable and let you make all the decisions?), but now you’re tired from caring all the weight. Own some of your stuff, OP.[/quote]

Guy here so take it for what it is worth.  But I agree with this.  The divorces in my friend group are not cheating but mostly women who got the guy they wanted but that was not what they wanted now.  I guess the low key, not trying to set the world on fire is good for some.  A friend loved that about her husband.  No desire to work late, weekends.  There for her.  That is great.  In her 30s and 40s what she wanted was a different guy -- Type A but maybe nicer?  That was not her husband.  It is not just the money.  It was the attitude, drive.  They divorced.

You don't have to marry the guy who will be doctor, partner at firm, senior executive but you should not think that happens by magic.  People in those roles spend decades building to that point with late nights, blown vacations and weekends, stress.  You can't miss that but magically want the next CEO of the company from a guy that paid none of the dues.[/quote]

On the flip side, my DH is a nice, low key guy with no desire to set the world on fire, but he's a great partner. Because he's not lazy and leans into family responsibilities in lock step with me leaning out (and into work responsibilities). I don't have to ask or nag, he's not doing me a favor or has a set checklist then signs off. He steps up and has dinner ready when I get home, blocks time on his work calendar for the kids' doctor's appointments without me asking (even though I still have to make them), and then thinks ahead to the next thing that needs to get done for OUR family. Money is great, but I'd rather have an equal partner without an ego that isn't working on vacation and coming home stressed every night. [/quote]

I think would rather have the money.[/quote]

Not if it comes with an absentee father and part time spouse. Unless you’re just looking for a paycheck and not a life partner.[/quote]

Again -- where do these absentee dads come from?  Biglaw partner and I see a few like that but most are heavily involved with kids and wife.  [/quote]

Omg. And you’re supposed in “big law” and making these weak, false claims!?!?

lol. You must be in your 20s or something naive.[/quote]

Nope -- partner for 25 years.

Biglaw is not as bad as people claim -- at least for a partner.  If something needs to get done -- it needs to get done but that is not a 24/7 reality even in a very busy practice.  And there can't be a single mistake -- ever --- that is stressful but not that hard to deal with if you have the right mindset.  That is really why partners get paid a lot.[/quote]

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