Reply to How much money would your spouse/significant other have to make in order for you to stay home?

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[quote=Anonymous]This is a particularly poignant question for me. I quit work almost 3 years ago to SAH. My husband makes $300k minimum but can earn more than double that in a good year. We had 1 child in private school (plus a 3 year old and a 1 year old) but we have a lot saved up for their education so that was not really an issue. I used to earn just under $200k.
I loved staying home, but what I really did not expect was how much the dynamics of our relationship would change. My husband suddenly became very controlling. From being a decent earner myself and quite independent, he made me feel like I was just another drain on “his” resources.  After almost 15 years of marriage I saw a side to him I had never seen before – angry and controlling and taking every opportunity to belittle me. There was a great deal of tension and the kids started to sense it. My oldest would worry and fret whenever we had to replace something she had outgrown – will daddy be angry? Don’t worry mommy, I’ll just use these for a little longer (even though I could see they were way too tight/small). I watched every penny and became very anxious and stressed. Yet my husband would freely spend money on lavish dinners out. He was even considering buying a sports car (though he never did). I became more and more resentful and no longer felt like his equal. I was suffering, my kids were suffering.  It became an untenable situation.
Fortunately, my employers took me back on a higher salary than when I left – someone in my team recently left. I started last week.  I have arranged a flexed schedule – starting early so that I can pick the kids up from school. I do feel a sense of sadness that I am not home anymore and the flexibility that afforded me to be with my kids whenever I wanted to. I worry about the summer which was the best time for us spending time together but I will never again give up my income.
Now I just have to deal with my marriage – I feel a lot of resentment towards my husband.
P.S. I know most husbands are not like mine - he is a special breed – so I am not tarring them all with the same brush. This has just been my experience.
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