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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I'm the same person on all today's posts.  I really do hope you find your way.  Take baby steps, don't have grand expectations

Story- when I had a bout of depression earlier in my life, I followed a friend's advice to go to the gym every day....and I'd have an inner dialogue of "friend" says go to the gym so I am going to do that". It was a good thing to do - exercise is always good - but I'll be honest that it did not make me feel better (perhaps it kept me from feeling worse....and it certainly gave me some purpose and something beneficial to do with my time). But I still was depressed and I just kept going.
  
Don't fall into a trap where you stop doing "a good thing to do" because it didn't have a noticeable bump to your mood.  You have to think of it as a marathon - tell yourself I'm going to just keep doing the "good things I should do for myself" (which include exercise, sleep, seeking social outlets, trying new things) and over time eventually something changes (and you don't even notice what it was) and you slowly come out of that tunnel.

You are fighting many years of what has been a mentally abusive situation and lost yourself. It can take time - but you can do it. Go out and explore the world to find what you like. [/quote]

correction - I'm all of today except 22:32[/quote]

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