Reply to If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To be fair, kids of my circle's tiger moms seem to be doing well.[/quote]

I don't doubt it. And when they get married, many of them will choose to spend holidays with their spouse's families who are interested in them as human beings and not just what they can achieve.[/quote]

Yup!  You may think they are happy and don't mind how you raised them.  But in reality, many did not enjoy it and appreciate being appreciated for whom they are.  There is so much more to a person than their GPA and academic achievements.  We care more about what they do with their lives.  Are they good, kind, generous people?  Do other people want to spend time with them? 
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Plenty of "normal" parents have kids who won't speak to them or spend holidays with them. Nor does having a good GPA preclude one from doing something with their lives or being a good, kind, generous person that other people want to spend time with. You're thinking in black and white.[/quote]

Obviously it's not just "black and white". But very few kids just up and not speak to their parents for no real reason.  There is always a reason---typically something to do with how parents have treated them up til that point.

It is not okay to push push push your kids without allowing them to develop into overall good humans.  There are also plenty of good kids with high GPAs who are genuinely good people---the vast majority of them got there because of self motivation and guidance from parents, NOT pushing pushing pushing from a tiger parent.

I'd prefer my kids learn how to motivate themselves and volunteer because it's a fun and good thing to do, not just because "it's needed for college".  
No, we didn't just tell our kids "Cs are okay, just make it thru HS and that's all we expect".  Our kids know we expected them to give 110% and work their hardest.  But we never sent them to tutoring unless they were actually struggling (and getting a 94% in a class is NOT struggling).  We never pushed them to do kumon from age 3+ in hopes they would be advanced in math. Instead we read to them, played with them and encouraged games and activities that built math and critical thinking skills.  One kid loved to do math problems, so we gave them that.  The other had ADHD and EF issues, and certainly wasn't sitting down to do stupid math problems at age 4.

Know what---the first kid is a math wiz since K.  Engineering major in college starting in Calc 3.

other kid ended up a business major, did well in college calc (despite struggling in HS), graduated and landed a great job.

For both kids, the motivation to excel came from them and thru their own hardwork.

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So you don't accept certain grades and you did a lot of STEM enrichment? Sounds like you're a species of tiger mom to me. Or is that only Asians?[/quote]
I'm not PP, but for many kids you can't stop them from doing STEM stuff.    My 4 yo's favorite activity was to build things with jump ropes, a wagon and a couple of old clothes line pulleys.  It's just what some kids do.  So of course we get her STEM toys for holidays, because those are her favorites and what she requests, and we send her to STEM camps because that's what she requests.  A tiger parent pushes.  I'm just a parent who follows my kid's lead.[/quote]

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