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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Caring for an elderly parent or parents while trying to juggle the needs/schedules of children (of any age) is incredibly stressful. Add in full or even part time work and it’s worse. I feel like an awful human because I just want elderly in-laws to die. It’s killing my DH and our marriage and relationship with children. My in-laws quality of life is so low that it’s mind boggling that their care is turning our lives inside out and upside down. I realize that sounds incredibly cold but they enjoy nothing, can do nothing, complain incessantly, and require so much assistance on a day to day basis. I/my DH are constantly taking time off from work to help them but nothing ever seems to improve, it’s just a band aid until the next disaster (which could be in a few hours or next week). Kids are tweens and teens who are capable of staying home alone, but they do need parenting and we aren’t doing a lot of that right now because we are caring for DH’s parents. Every time we leave for “vacation” they have a episode that requires us to return and manage. Siblings are no help. We are stuck in an it what it is hell. [/quote]

Np. And pp, we went through the same thing with my in-laws and my Dad. I cannot tell you how much I empathize with you. Very few people will understand.

All I can say is to the extent possible, hire help. That doesn't do anything for emergencies. We have left overseas vacations two times for emergencies.

It's a season of life. I'm Indian, and it's part of our culture to take care of our elders. But, at the end of the day, it depends on your relationship with your parent. If it's a good one, months after they've died, you feel like you haven't had any regrets - like you ushered them into the hereafter, as they ushered you into life. But if it was a complicated relationship, laden with guilt and expectations, you'll probably feel like you spent all your good years taking care of ungrateful people, and not prioritizing your bigger responsibility - your own kids. I regret prioritizing one of my in-laws, though I have complete peace over how we handled the caregiving in the final years of the other two parents. It'll become pretty clear to you which one it is. I urge you to follow your gut on this. There is no prize for suffering. [/quote]

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