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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Husband sleeps on couch after arguments"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’ve been married 35 years and neither of us has ever slept on the couch because we were upset. Snoring is a different story! We simply don’t go to bed until we at least semi resolve the conflict. We may not kiss and make up but it’s not like boxers sent to their corners waiting for the next round. [/quote] Same. We don't go to bed angry. However, my husband (and one of our daughters) is a person who needs space after an argument, so we will go our separate ways and then discuss later. Harder to do if an argument happens at night but we're usually able to resolve things quickly. I don't get the whole silent treatment thing, and I think that's childish, and while I can kind of see going to the couch as a different thing, to me it's sort of similar. Why can't you address the issue before going to sleep? And if it's not something that can be resolved, how do you live like that?[/quote] DP. I sleep on the couch sometimes. A lot of times DH shuts down during an argument or he will pretend that the thing that I’m upset about didn’t happen. We have kids and jobs and sometimes we just need to go to sleep and move on with our lives before we have time to resolve the problem. At the same time, I’m not really willing to pretend that it never happened or that there is no problem. [/quote] I guess I'm trying to decide what kind of problems you have that can't be resolved before moving on to something else but that you would actively be upset about. I mean, if my husband cheated on me, I wouldn't share a bed with him, but also we probably wouldn't stay married so I'm trying to think of an issue that can't be resolved before going to bed but that is small enough to not destroy your marriage. Like are there problems with a 72-hour stewing period? I just find it odd I guess, but clearly I'm in the minority. [/quote] I don’t know. It’s not like it’s some healthy conversation. We get locked in a toxic pattern and need to go to sleep. Like last time we got home from vacation, I didn’t put in a grocery order. I usually do, but I forgot. So while I was making eggs and toast, and he was he was cutting up apples. He was grumbling around the kitchen, super short with me, pointedly not looking at me or touching me. After we got the kids to bed, I told him that I didn’t think it was fair for him to be angry with me. He insisted that he wasn’t. We got into this stupid thing where I started talking about specific behaviors of his, and he started saying that it didn’t happen and I was crazy. That just escalated things. I slept on the couch. I don’t think this is anything big enough to divorce over. But I also don’t want to just say that I’m crazy or that it’s totally reasonable for him to act like a jerk because we didn’t have a house full of food when we got back from a vacation. What I would like to do is have a conversation where we talk about whether there were other things that upset him about the vacation and if we need to change things for next time. What he wants to do is have me forget that it ever happened and chalk it up to myself being crazy or men being men. We can usually get to happy medium, but it takes a couple of days. [/quote] Wow. I couldn't live like that for a couple of days. Or really I couldn't live with your husband at all. [/quote]
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