Reply to 9yo DD left off invitation WWYD?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, obviously you and your family can do what you want, but please understand that your friends did not intend to slight your daughter at all.  As others have said, the bar mitzvah party is usually considered a party for two groups --13 yo friends of the BM boy or girl (many of whom are there without parents) and friends/relatives of the parents.  Sometimes if there is an older or younger sibling the family will invite a few kids of that age to hang out with the sibling.  [b]Other non-relatives are usually not invited except for very close friends who may be included as a whole family.  [/b]Many people do not invite their friends' kids unless they are close with the BM kid, which is obviously the case with your son.  Because this is the totally normal practice, your friends would not think that this was something that would upset you because undoubtedly it has happened to them many times and they think nothing of it.  (and having gone to many of these, 9 year olds with no buddies to hang out with usually do not enjoy it at all).  [/quote]

I don't think this is about cultural norms, per se. It is about OP feeling like she and her family are very close friends to the neighbor's family and it turns out that the neighbors view this relationship as -- the boys are friends and we as their parents get along. I can see being hurt when someone doesn't view you as close/important as how you view them; if it was just that the boys were friends, they could see each other at school, soccer or wherever - not have the son almost living at her house in the summer, completely his project with her family's help etc. Presumably when the son is over at the house all the time, he interacts with the whole family, not just his 13 yr old buddy.

It depends on what you want this friendship to be. If you now want to pull back a little because they don't seem to want to be that close, I would just have your son go; he will have plenty of friends to hang out with and it won't matter to him whether you're there or not since he'll want to hang out with his friends anyway. If you believe that this is just how it is and don't want to hurt the friendship with the parents, then both of you should go if practical; or one of you stay home if necessary to babysit.[/quote]

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