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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- I’m in very good shape. Was having sex with him. Girlfriend reached out to me when he ended it with her. She was angry. It was awful. Gave me many details about them. She  did not tell me about everything else. I found text evidence in his phone and asked him, he admitted to things I never would’ve known or have seen in retrospect. Called numbers on our phone bills and googled the numbers and Many of the numbers showed up online connected to advertisements for women. There was a ton of cash that was being spent (Upon review of our bank records) I was not paying attention. [/quote]

So sorry this happened to you. FWIW, it happened to me too (minus the GF telling me - I found out about the GF & prostitutes a different way). In my case, DH begged me to stay, promised to go to therapy, etc. How has your husband responded after the confrontation?

TBH, I thought I had some obligation (because of my children) to stay and give DH a chance to work it out.  But, what I learned is that there is no coming back from this kind of serial infidelity. It indicates a massive personality disorder, dishonesty, poor communication and disrespect & objectification of women generally (including you).  And there is just no possibility that you will ever feel the trust and safety that are necessary to move forward.

I shudder when I look back and think about how much time I wasted dealing with him and his problems - time that would have been better invested in myself, my relationship with my kids, my support network and my career.

Frankly, by not ending the relationship immediately, I exposed myself to a lot of trauma, not the least of which was the very rape-y way he (and therapists) continued to expect some kind of sexual relationship between the two of us.

Ultimately, about a year and a half after I found yet another piece of evidence, I told him he had to move out by the weekend, and that I would not keep secrets from my friends and family about why he was moving out, but that the kids were too young to know why and I didn't view it as my place to tell his parents, family or friends unless I was asked.  This gave me some leverage as he could see that it was in his interest to leave so he could maintain his face in front of his circle.

I wish I had saved myself some time and pain by saying early on that his non-monogamy meant that our initial marital contract was over, which meant that I would no longer sleep
with him and no longer felt obligated to monogamy myself, and that I would need some time to process what had happened and decide whether I was open to new terms of continuing marriage. (I would not have been but I would have used the time
such a statement brought to organize the divorce and prepare myself with individual therapy.).

Do not under any circumstances get sucked into "couples therapy". Any kind of couples therapy is highly inappropriate when 1 part of the couple is abusive - make no mistake about it, repeated serial cheating is highly abusive. [/quote]

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