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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son eats like this.

Here is what we do when we have family events:

Have some safe food available. Give him time & space to prepare it or bring it in a to-go container. Buying a rotisserie chicken that can be picked apart, and bringing a scale so he weigh his food (alone) helps.

Leaving the food prep to other people means that there is a good chance they will sneak in butter or other oils into the mix and say, "he'll never notice" and then there is puking and anxiety.

Giving him the keys to the kitchen helps. If there is a mess, I say, "I need those pans for the rest of the meal. Can you clean those in the next 10 minutes?" If they don't, have a talk about the pans.

For each of these:

She only eats:
 chicken (buy a whole cooked chicken for $6. Put shredded chicken in a ziplock. Let her add what she wants to her plate each day. She may eat none. That's in her.

Salmon: Grill this on board or on foil or in a pouch away from the burgers & hot dogs. Add lemon or let her cook it.

Eggs: hard boil in advance or microwave in a cup (scramble).

Lettuce and certain other green vegetablesL Buy bags of salad, or ask her to shop for/bring enough for all that she will eat. People with ED have some control issues and she can contribute & share with others while only putting foods she deems safe in her body.

herbal tea: Have a tea box with a lot of kinds of teas near the coffee maker. Tea is not messy.

She's not going to starve to death on this trip, but being around family is a huge trigger for ED folks. It reminds them about getting what they need or don't need as a child.

Some EDs are also linked to autism. Using the "would you like to set the table, or would you like to wash dishes later" approach as a way to include them in meal planning is a way of giving them control without letting them off the hook.

It is literally a feeling that you don't deserve to be nourished, and part of that can come from being the sibling who was craving attention & nurturing, but their cup (or plate) was not full enough. It's slow suicide.

And in the end, your heart could stop.

A great books is Making Peace With Food.[/quote]

Get your son in an ED clinic, stop putting up with that. He won’t be around long if you keep this up.[/quote]

+2 No one should live this way or be encouraged by codependency. 
You and OPs parents are allowing these people to continue this destructive behavior. [/quote]

While there may be truth to this from a big picture perspective, there is likely a lot going into this that does indeed require long-term therapy and work.  And a family member "drawing a line" at a family gathering that presumably is about creating a good memory of togetherness is not the right approach, taking all things into account.[/quote]

I agree.

Clearly OP's sister needs long-term therapy.  Equally clearly, OP isn't prepared to take on her care and force the issue.  Even if she was, it might not be possible to do so.

Refusing to throw a piece of salmon on some foil on the grill, and to have some boiled eggs and plain lettuce in the fridge won't lead to OP's sister getting treatment, or to her parents stopping the enabling.  It will just drive a wedge into the family at an event that is presumably about strengthening connections.

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