Reply to Is it too late for me to ever feel taken care of?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy.  Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell. 
[/quote]

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.[/quote]

*slow clap* you nailed it. Smug a$$holes like PP must not be all that happy in life either if they need to come on to these threads to punch down on people like OP.[/quote]

I’m trying to help the op realize she’s in the driver’s seat here.

If people insist upon waiting for others to read their mind and magically make them a positive person, you do you.

ICYMI: nobody likes a whiner. And fixating on this won’t help you change the way you feel.

[/quote]

Except OP did not whine, is not asking anyone to solve her problem, and posted here in an effort to get ideas for resolving it herself. She even says something like "do I have to just let this go?" indicating she recognizes there may not really be a solution.

The whiny people on this thread are the ones who are irrationally angry that a total stranger is thinking about how her childhood impacts her mental health and looking to address issues so that she can live a better life.[/quote]

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