Reply to Are these comments typical for the age, or is my DD a jerk?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's normal, but it's not kind and that's what you need to teach her.  It's normal for society to use others to get ahead but it's not right. [/quote]
It's not normal to me. How does a 7 year old learn to be that nasty? [/quote]

Op here. I guess I don’t think of those types of comments my DD made as extreme…? Unkind and rude, but not nasty.

Kids have told my kid they would kill her, that they won’t be her friend, she can’t play with them because she’s not a friend, or that her xyz is stupid and dumb. Not often, but I do hear comments like this. I don’t think any of those comments are ok. [/quote]

You sound like you have a healthy perspective on this.  Kids this age are still learning what is and is not appropriate (and challenging boundaries and, maybe more compellingly, eventually learning what kind of behavior/statements risks alienating friends).

None of this sounds outside the range of what I hear the average kid this age say/do (which isn't to say it doesn't merit correction).  Pay attention to the media she's consuming and what her friends are saying (influenced by their own media consumption and friends).  It can sometimes help to catch the inspiration behind certain behaviors, even if just to use it as a case study -- "I heard Sally say X today.  I thought it was unkind because Y."

Competitiveness isn't a bad thing.  Essentially every successful athlete in the world has a competitive drive.  It can make losing tough, and it is very important that she learn to take it on the chin (or at least appear to), if for no other reason than that eventually people won't want to play with her.  But having a tough time with it at this age doesn't make her a bad kid -- and I don't think it means that her passion/competitiveness in general is a problem!

The critique of the art was unkind, but again pretty common for kids at this age who don't always have a great filter and who have been taught not to lie -- the drawing probably wasn't very cool! I tell my kid to identify something they like -- the color, even the subject -- "ooh, I love cats!" -- if they are asked directly for an opinion (and certainly never to offer a negative one unsolicited).  But it does strike me as kind of a nuanced nicety, so work on teaching it, but of course she'll make mistakes.

I don't have a real problem with good-natured trash talk, and honestly prefer that it be focused on the "positives" ("our team rocks!" "I can score on anyone!") even though that's more "braggy" -- I would have a problem with anything very negative or individualized ("your team sucks!" "Sally never scores!").  If some kid is going to be touchy about the former, I don't think it makes your kids a bad kid for saying it, but part of social awareness is learning to know your audience.  I hear boys around this age talk to each other like this a ton (I blame YouTubers), and I'll raise the possibility that the teacher may be reacting to this kind of talk from a girl differently than from a boy.  Not necessarily the case, but it's something to be aware of.[/quote]

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