Reply to Bar/Bat Mitzvah Sweatshirts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find these threads pretty upsetting. In dcum-land if you invite everyone it’s a gift grab, if you invite less widely you are accused of excluding kids. If you give out a customized favor (which kids have done for decades), dcums are quick to judge it and call it trash and insist you shouldn’t have, even though if you didn’t you’d be the only one who didn’t provide a nice memento to your guests to remember the special milestone. It reeks of lots of judgement bordering on bigotry at times. An invitation is not a summons, you may accept or decline. If you receive a parting gift, like with any gift, you say thank you and then do what you wish with it, be it wearing or donating. Gently reminding people that these events involve a tremendous amount of work and preparation for the child and family and all of these gestures come from a good place. 
To answer the OP’s question, my kids are not 8th graders yet but they totally wear the sweatshirts and ones I’ve gotten as a close family member also get worn for years with happy memories of that child’s day. [/quote]

Your post points out some typical overreactions in DCUM-land, but you are missing the larger point.  The problem that creates these conflicting messages is that so many posters respond to a situation with a one-size-fits-all edict that ignores how important individual circumstances are.  And/or often encompasses assumptions that have nothing to do with the situation presented and everything to do with the responders biases.

Some people who invite everyone are mainly interested in gifts.  We've all met materialistic people like that, but most people are just looking to have everyone come and enjoy a good party.  There are many legitimate reasons to throw smaller events that do not include everyone (happen every day, all the time), but don't say that to the one girl in a small, private school's 7th grade class who was the only one not invited.

Sweatshirts are no different than anything else, some kids will love them and some kids won't.  We don't all like the same thing.  That's why one parent upthread is so triumphant; she gave out a sweatshirt that all the guest goers still wear.  It is hard to find something that pleases everyone.   A unicorn, really.

On the subject of party favors, I have never liked them unless they are consumable.  Otherwise, they so often feel wasteful to me.  Too many things that never get used and end up in the trash.  Why would I want a glass with the names of another couple on it?  Why would I want clothing with another person's name on it?  But I recognize this is a personal preference, based more on dislike of wastefulness more than anything.  Of course in the moment I smile and say thank you.[/quote]

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