Reply to Red flag if a guy doesn’t see kids often?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc.  This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad. [/quote]

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.[/quote]

It made your life easier because your mom didn't want him involved.  Lets be real.  Seeing him a few weeks in the summer isn't a relationship and stability would have been both parents equally involved.[/quote]

I think her parents did the right thing. It is more stable for the kid. I would love that setup. [/quote]

You love the set up as it would benefit you.  That's pathetic.[/quote]

It benefits the kids. Stability and routine is better.

Not Think that scenario would benefit me because I would have even less time than I already do.

I do get child support so I don’t know if you were thinking there would be some financial benefit because with equal earners that’s not the case.

I nest so I don’t inconvenience the kids. I am doing most of the parenting.

50/50 Custody is BS and terrible for kids. It puts the parents first and not the kids.

There would be no personal benefit of me having the kids most of the time: it would benefit the kids immensely. [/quote]

50-50 custody has Stability and routine too … the talk of “bouncing around” is as if the kids don’t know what’s going to happen next … like a schedule is whimsical or something.    Maybe some situations happen like this if parents aren’t consistent. [/quote]

I have done it that way. It sucks. One main house is best for the kids. Nesting now and doing more than 50% of parenting. The 50/50 two houses was not as stable at all. [/quote]

Of corse its sable.  If you don’t think so, you give up the kids and be the every other weekend parent.  [/quote]

No. It is not. It is better for the kids to be in one place. I have done both. You haven't. And there is no such thing is 50/50 parenting. One parent always does more. I am that one. 50/50 only benefits parents financially. It is horrible for kids.[/quote]

I was a kid with "primary parent" and "parent I hardly ever got to see" and I thought that was horrible for me.[/quote]

Did you read? I am bird nesting...but still doing the primary parenting (kids stay in one house; parents change but I am doing 70% although we have 50/50 custody technically). I have done it both ways. Kids see both parents. They agree one house for them is just easier. They don't care which of us is there but I am the one there most of the time.

[b]Yeah I read the part where you said "there is no such thing is 50/50 parenting. One parent always does more. I am that one. 50/50 only benefits parents financially. It is horrible for kids." And I completely disagree with this blanket statement.

Furthermore you are totally missing the point about why 50/50 is better than primary parent/non-primary parent. You think the problem is going back and forth between houses. That's not the problem. The problem is [i]rarely seeing one of your parents[/i]. And this is what is happening to your kids. They may tell you they like it but you can never know for sure if it's true, because as a matter of survival kids will tell you what they think you want to hear.
[/b]

My parents were married. I never saw my dad. It was fine.

[b]That was not the case for me, it was the furthest thing from "fine".[/b]

I much preferred having a stable house than having to deal with an absent parent half the time if my parents ever divorced. 50-50 then wasn't a thing thank god. If we were truly 50-50 now, they would be getting an absent parent half the time and the constant logistics coordination being pure hell. We did that. No one liked it.

[b]One parent 70 another parent 30 is not better than 50/50, sorry.[/b]

I have to nest because of the 50-50 nonsense. [i]I would rather [/i]be the only person in the house and have them 70% of the time because I am doing most of the parenting anyway.

[b]Yes, this is very clearly [i]all about you[/i].[/b]

But because of 50-50 bs, and don't want to go return to switching houses, I have to do this stupid work around to get stability for the kids.

[b]Not seeing their father 70% of the time is not "stability". It is convenience for you. And probably "victory" over the man you hate at the expense of your kids.[/b]

You haven't experienced the logistical difficulty of two households. It is hard on both parents and kids.

[b]I'm doing it right now you insufferable creature.

Furthermore "nesting" creates its own logistical difficulties and expense that you are completely glossing over. "Nesting" simply is not practical in the majority of cases, in addition to being deeply weird.[/b]

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