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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What you talk to him directly about these issues, what does he say?[/quote]

I’ve been very direct about how sad I am that our relationship has morphed into such a bad state. I’ve said that I’ve noticed he hasn’t touched me in months and that it hurts, and that I’d like to know why. His response is that he’s under a lot of stress and this is how he handles stress.

Since we’ve known each other for decades, I know that’s not true. Honestly, he used to manage his stress with sex. That was the release that seemed to recharge his mental outlook. [/quote]

Asking seriously and without snark, OP: Have you said that second paragraph, above, directly to him? That when he says it's how he handles stress, that response does not track with how he has handled it in all the years you've known him, so what is this specific source of stress that is making him react so differently and so out of character? Air this. What is the source? If he evades, he needs to hear that this is damaging the marriage.

I would not assume an affair. I would be concerned about possible depression or a health issue, or as someone noted, the surfacing of some past trauma or issue. Or possibly his having work problems he is hiding from you (Job may be on the line? New boss is awful? Messed up a project and is in trouble?).

You need to focus more on getting communication out in the open and calling him on it (kindly, but firmly) when he says it's "stress" but won't work with you to get to the source of this stress. Tell him you're a team and both need to start working on this, because it's affecting how you view him and the marriage. Getting a third party like a therapist involved will help. But don't wait and let this fester.[/quote]

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