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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What this discussion tells me that we all live in a bubble, and have different experiences that color our understanding of the world. Different strata of society seem to have different expectations on men and women.

I do think women tend to do too much, men are very good at delegating. I do notice, as a DW, that my DH stepped in when he judged me less than competent at certain tasks, thus making my life easier. Things have also shifted quite a bit as the kids have gotten older (he somehow did rise to the occasion and now handles all logistics related to their sports activities, and I'm now the clueless parent, so I know what that feels like).

[b]The newborn stage, though? The nursing and maternity leave? So lonely, and that's when it hits you, how on your own you are at this, and your partner doesn't really get it. It's not anyone's fault, but it does feel 100 percent unfair.[/b] [/quote]

It is unfair and it could actually be better. Even if there is no way to actually divide that work up between the sexes, we could actually facilitate women doing it in a way that wasn't insulting and cruel. If we are going to live in a world where women do 100% of the pregnancy, childbirth, and caring for babies, then we should be making it easier for women to do that. We basically do not acknowledge the physical or mental costs of childbirth in this country and we make it so hard for women to get access to basic healthcare to address those issues. Also, we basically got rid of the "village" that women used to have during the immediate postpartum period -- some people still have female relatives who come and help and care for the mom and help keep the house, but many, many do not and it's prohibitively expensive for most people to hire someone. But it's not like men have actually stepped in to fill that roll, even though they now are much more likely to get parental leave. So instead women just struggle, trying to put their bodies and brains back together on their own while doing most of the newborn care and keeping the house together, and then going back to work in like a month. It is barbaric.

Either we bring back the village, we create social services to actually support women during that time, or we need to create a cultural imperative where men are ACTUALLY doing the work that village used to do, which includes cooking and cleaning and caring for the baby while mom sleeps and helping with breastfeeding and all that. Not forever, but for the first few weeks. Virtually no men do this. They could, they just won't. If they are lucky, their moms if I use or MILs come and do it. If they are wealthy, they hire someone. For the rest of women, no one does it and they just suffer. It is unfair and it's also not a situation we have to accept.[/quote]

Yep my DH has 12 weeks of paternity leave and I have ZERO. No STD. Nothing but my own accrued leave that I also use for the multitude of appointments that come with pregnancy. So Ill cobble 3-4 weeks together (if I am lucky) and then start from near 0 with 2 kids.

Its a start for anyone have maternity/paternity leave but the idea that there isnt universal coverage for the women actually having children and recovering from childbirth is bizarre. [/quote]

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