Reply to Happily married. Also find myself fantasizing about cheating.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]My friend got used, dumped and then got caught. Husband divorced her. Older teens didn’t take it well.[/quote]

[quote]Wait, how did she get caught if the guy had already dumped her??[/quote]

She (the friend) was still married when her AP dumped her.

Her DH found out she had the affair and divorced her because of it.
[/quote]

Yeah. Men are much likelier to file for divorce.[/quote]

Not a commentary on PP's story, but this is not correct. Women are much more likely to file for divorce -- nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women.[/quote]

Women file overall for divorce, but when women cheat it’s always the men that file. [/quote]

My DH did not file for divorce when I cheated.
[/quote]

I bet it depends a lot on whether or not the wife is still having sex with the husband.

A man might not like the idea of his wife cheating, but if they still have an active sex life, he might be able to chalk it ups to what to him is an understandable desire for variety or struggling with the idea of never having sex with someone new again (many men find those to be understandable feelings).

But if the marriage is dead and then cheating is discovered, the husband is going to feel like a chump and I think is more likely to want to leave. Especially if there is any financial imbalance in the marriage, because he will feel truly cuckolded -- he's supporting a woman who is only having sex with someone else.

With women I think the dynamics are different, and I think women (whether they realize it or not) are more likely to view cheating as unforgivable because of the risk of their husband impregnating another woman. I think the fear that a cheating husband will go start a family with someone else, and thus abandon her family, makes cheating by men feel more dangerous for women. Because you have no control over whether that other woman is using birth control.[/quote]

I think this is true.  I had an emotional affair and my husband was able to drop it pretty easily, mostly because we fixed the marriage and were having a lot of sex.[/quote]

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