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[quote=Anonymous]OP here (there was a previous "OP" with a flip response - not me)

wasn't expecting quite the lengthy thread. Thanks for the serious replies.

The irony in all of this is that I brought up this topic to improve our relationship for the long run. Let me explain. I'm not a perfect husband. I've given her the silent treatment on occasions over the years as has she. Our communication in general needs improvement. Maybe some counseling. Recently i've been opening up about various things to mixed/surprised reactions from her. I love her dearly and I believe she loves me. We have our health, awesome kids, financial stability, and generally a great life. I'm not looking to blow it up. On the contrary, I wanted to pull the band aid on something that has been on my mind for quite a while. It may be (and i hope it is) perfectly innocent. Great! But as her husband I want her to know how i've been perceiving all of this. 
One pp noted that in a healthy relationship, both spouses have a right to discuss their concerns, suspicions, etc openly. 100% pp. 100%.

To be clear, I did NOT accuse her of any wrong doing and made it very clear to her that I was not doing so when we talked. I stated my observations and thoughts that are a culmination of multiple years of experiences. We're in the midwest, so it could be a cultural thing? (we're both transplants here) I truly don't know if anything has transpired and I may never know. What I do know with near certainty is that others in our neighbor group have noted and they likely noted years ago. I can read a room.

As soon as Ryan's name left my lips I could see her tense up and flush. She wasn't surprised so much about the topic more so than the timing. Why not a few yrs ago during the "gym" years - which could have been construed as inappropriate? She made clear nothing went on between them. Fine. But i've cleared the air and she's upset. I can see from her perspective how insulting this might be. But my feelings are valid too and I don't regret bringing it up. It's been 2 days. I'll give her space and see what she has to say when she's ready.

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