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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was raised Roman Catholic and am struggling with if/how I want to raise my future children when it comes to the church.  I left the church halfway through college and my siblings and parents have all left as well. My parents (who went to catholic school with nuns as teachers, made us go to CCD, midnight mass, Easter vigil, give things up for Lent, etc.) are now very vocally critical of the church. I share all their concerns...but I still feel this nostalgia for the whole thing. I don't know how else to explain it.

It makes me sad to imagine my future kids not being baptized, lighting Advent candles, going to fish fries during Lent, having first holy communions. Being Catholic was just such a big part of my family culture and was for generations. It feels weird to just stop that. The only family traditions that my family of origin has are all related to Catholicism in some way. Without those things I feel like I won't have any traditions that tie me and my children to our ancestors.

I do go to mass by myself very occasionally just to feel close to my deceased grandparents who were devout. I always leave feeling very melancholy, like I'm an interloper who shouldn't be there and is disrespecting people who are there for the "right" reasons. I don't know if that would get better or worse if I brought my kids. My actual faith is probably best described as agnostic but with a love of rituals?

Does anyone have any advice? Similar experience?
Please know that I mean no disrespect to any practicing Catholics. I'm posting with genuine sadness and conflict in my heart. [/quote]

As a practicing Catholic, I don't regard you as an interloper.  If you feel drawn to attend Mass, I think it is a good thing.

My only other advice is maybe it would be helpful for you to work out this dichotomy you seem to be experiencing.  I am not sure what might be helpful.... attending an Ignatian Retreat at Holy Trinity (they offer short retreats compatible with working schedules - one hour meetings with a spiritual guide over several weeks); talking to a parish priest?; attending a class, like an RCIA class?

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