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[quote=Anonymous]OP, as I think you realize, this is not the time for intellectualizing. Your sister and her family lost a child. If you want to support your family at their worst time, try to start working through your own difficult feelings. Let yourself begin grieving, without blaming others (or imagining how others might be blaming your sister—that’s not your concern). This was a loss for you and your child as well. When you visit, just your being there, without judgment, and with appreciation for their child and the depth of their loss, will be a comfort to your sister and family.

At a later time, you also might consider facing some of your own insecurities more deeply. It seems like you’re struggling to manage your emotions and reactions with your origin family. Why not talk to someone helpful about this? Your goal to accept your differences from your initial family is healthy. You deserve to come to a more peaceful place, and that will help ensure your child doesn’t have to carry that emotional legacy for you. It would be a gift to you, your child, and even to your family of origin.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. [/quote]

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