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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What a wonderful and kind group of people who would take time out of their lives to give me some advice.  Thank you so much for all of it.  I have read it and will continue to read it again and again.  This has been a rough time in our lives, not what I ever expected in raising kids.  I hope we can all survive and be happy and peaceful at some point.  Until he turns 18, I guess we just need to hang in.  Dealing with the day to day explosions is the hardest on everyone.  We try hard not to give in, but find that we cannot fight every single battle and he battles 24/7.  We are sure that there must be something/many things wrong, but he won't spend enough time with a mental health professional to sort through it.  He is a smart young man with so much potential and I hope he can find his way.  Thanks again.[/quote]

I have not read through the rest of this thread, but I wanted to jump in here and say I am so sorry you are going through this with your DS, OP. It sounds like a heartbreaking struggle, and you sound exhausted.

I worried I would end up where you are when my DS was five years old. He was a total terror and neither DH nor I could control him. Fast forward a decade, and he's a nice kid, doing well in school, into sports, a few friends, overall doing pretty well.

It may be too late for your DS, OP, but what we did with our DS was take him to non-traditional doctors and change his diet. He's been on dozens of nutritional supplements for years and now eats a really, really healthy diet (no sugar, no processed foods, mostly organic, lean protein, lots of fruits and vegetables). It sounds simplistic, but it's actually very complicated. He also has extreme allergies and sensitivities to chemicals and things like dust, pollen and mold, which we dealt with as well. If my son eats sugar, he gets agitated, and I notice it immediately.

I suspect your DS does not feel well, and has not felt well for years. I'm certain that was the problem with our DS, and making all these nutritional changes over the years (believe me, it took years!) has made him feel physically better.

I would never in a gazillion years send my child to boarding school, even though I wanted to -- desperately -- when he was younger. He was impossible to manage, nearly pushed me to a nervous breakdown. Fortunately, I have other children who are "typical," and who were developing normally (as normal as possible with an unmanageable sibling in the same house), so I knew it wasn't my parenting that was causing my child's issues.

But the dietary changes and supplements made immediate, albeit small, changes in our child, and we kept building on those small, but noticeable successes. I am a SAHM, so I've had time to study my DS. It's been my job for the past decade. I am always watching him, always on the lookout, always helping him make adjustments that enable him to live a pretty normal life. This may not be possible for you either, but I'm passing on my experience in the hope that even a tiny portion of it may make a difference in your son's life.

Throwing your son out of the house may be the best solution in your son's case, OP, but it sounds so extreme, and so painful. If you do that, you must make offers to your child, e.g. he can come back if he does XYZ. I'm very against medication, but perhaps medication could put your child on the right track while giving him time to straighten out other issues. The military might work for a while, but don't forget that after the military comes the real world, and your DS has to learn to cope with that.  Don't neglect diet, as ridiculously simple as it sounds. It made (and makes) all the difference to my DS, and he's doing fine. [/quote]

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