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Schools and Education General Discussion
Reply to "Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best""
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, the reality is - and you’re not going to like this - some of those kids are just smarter. They don’t have to work as hard. Particularly the ones also excelling at sports. They aren’t “winning” because they’re doing so much more. This isn’t all of those kids, but a chunk. The lesson is that there is always going to be someone smarter than you, better than you, richer than you, someone less smart, less gifted, less affluent. Comparison is silly. Success is not pie, someone having some doesn’t mean you can’t have any. Sure it may for these honors right now, but not in any big picture sense. Let her make peace with being average. Average is okay. [/quote] This is weird DCUM word salad. First, you are literally comparing students and saying some are smarter and then saying "comparison is silly." That's meaningless. If some kids are being recognized as better for certain skill sets, you can say "comparison is silly" until you are blue in the face and your kid will know you are lying because they live in a world where comparison is prevalent and meaningful. Yes, their world is narrow right now. It still exists. And comparison is forced upon these kids. Second, we're talking about a kid who gets great grades, makes honor roll, and receives awards for excellence in a couple areas where they really excel. That kid is not academically average. They are only average if you are only looking at the subset of kids who actually care about and work at academics, which is not the majority of kids. That kid is above average academically. They may not be a superstar, but hey aren't "average." An average kid is getting some Bs and Cs, doesn't always do their homework, but gets by and is going to graduate. They aren't winning writing awards and studying earth sciences in their free time in 10th grade. And yes, average is okay. But when you tell a kid who is clearly academically inclined and hard working (if not some kind of genius or superstar, but clearly smart and disciplined) they are just average, what does that make the actually average kids? Some of you have no sense of perspective about all of this. You really and truly believe that if a kid isn't getting a 1600 on the SAT and getting admitted to the tippy top schools, they are just average and need to just suck it up and deal. No wonder the college boards are constantly in full meltdown mode -- your standards are psychotic.[/quote] It’s not word salad and you seem to be incapable of realizing that comparison is silly entirely squares with the concept that some people are better and some worse than you - this will always be true and so worrying about it, being surprised at the fact, and engaging in comparing is silly. It’s safe to assume some people are smarter and some less than. That’s the point. I can’t help you anymore with this concept. [/quote] You are determined to frame it as a hierarchy though, and it's not. It's not even accurate to say that the kids at the tippy top are smarter than those a little below them. Some would argue it's smarter to invest more energy in things you love and not put all your energy and effort into getting into a super competitive college, where even incredibly high achieving kids are regularly rejected. Other people will argue that it's the kids who are good enough academically while really developing soft skills who are "smartest" because while top grades and test scores can get you into good colleges, they will not on their own get you great jobs or promotions. And so on. There are many, many kinds of smart, and the way you avoid the comparison game is not by ranking everyone and making peace with your rank, but understanding any ranking is only going to measure people along one or a handful of metrics, and it's not the be all and end all.[/quote] You seem determined or simply incapable of understanding that for some, and this is true at my kids private “top three” in DC - the kids that do the very very best are not killing themselves. They are well rounded, play sports and are simply exceptional. There are exceptional people. That’s simply a truism. Accepting that isn’t harmful. For example, Gisele exists. Most of us are not even in her remote realm. Fighting that is simply just pointless. [/quote] Logic is not your strong suit, I guess. Yes, Gisele exists. She is very beautiful. She is a very successful model. Tom Brady exists. He was arguably the best NFL quarterback of all time. Do you think either of them would rank in the top academically at your kids' "top three" (lol) private school? No? So it's like there are different ways people can excel in life, and being valedictorian of your high school class dies t not mean you are "Best Person" forever? Oh.[/quote] Oh, dear. There is no helping you here. There are indeed different ways to be exceptional. But not everyone is. Many of us are just average. And that is okay. Being upset that some are exceptional and insisting it’s because they are not well rounded or work all the time and you would be there too if you weren’t so totally cool and more better at doing life is silly and petty. It’s not the case and it’s far better to focus on yourself and what you want to achieve. [/quote]
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