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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you tried therapy "both individual and marriage" but determined you want different things in life. You said, "she wanted a 1950's husband." You also offer this advice that I sense you feel is wisdom: "never miss the opportunity to use your ears to hear what a spouse is telling you in terms of their needs/wants." So your wife told you in therapy that she "wanted a 1950's husband?" Did she really? What does that mean exactly? My thought is that you didn't take your own advice and listen and understand what she needs or wants but instead chose to define, compartmentalize, and trivialize what your wife expressed by summing it up with a stupid, mean-nothing catchphrase.  So your wife isn't crazy about politics or art and that's a deal breaker? I can't help to wonder if maybe she could be more interested in those things than you think but because she's left doing the lion's share of parenting (while you travel extensively for work) she doesn't have the luxury of pursuing her interests or yours. And I'd think that your statement about the looks on your kids faces when they found out you were leaving ("[b]something I will remember to my dying days[/b]") would be enough to make you work harder.  I'm just left with an overwhelming ick factor about you...you're weak.

Oh, and this beauty: "One thing I definitely do not want to do is even think about dating for a very long time if ever." Who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Cause I'm guessing you'll be back out there trying pretty dang fast. And you mention maybe wanting to devote time to charity and mentoring...[b]don't you have two children headed into their teen years? Come on, that's all the charity and mentoring opportunities one working man, who travels, can handle. But perhaps that's not sexy enough or doesn't fulfill your need to feel important? Give it a break, OP. I'm disgusted. [/b][/quote]

Weak and narcissistic.

OP, what are your wife's career options?

How will the kids' lives be impacted economically? How about college savings?

Will travel, tennis and the leisure time to "give back" to strangers characterize their day to day lives? Will they have to move, change schools, give up pastimes that they value? How has their sense of "family" and "commitment" been impacted? If they never marry or want to have children will it have been worth it?
 
How can you know that this divorce (most stressful thing that can happen to a kid short of your death) will not cause them to go off the rails as teens?

My ex used to show up at therapy and not speak. We changed and he would go (so he could say he "tried") and he didn't speak for the next 2 therapists either. None of the therapists had ever seen anything like it.

OP, maybe I'm misreading you. Have you always been someone who managed feelings by working a lot? Do you have longstanding close friendships with emotional depth? If no, that is why you are unhappy. You are projecting your feelings about midlife (disappointment, etc) onto your wife, with derision. No one relationship is supposed to meet more than 25% of our needs. I think you are remembering back to a time when your relationship was more fantasy than being with a real person for years. It's tough and it requires real personal growth. A lot of life is just showing up. I was not happy with my ex for years but my kids were thriving and he was often at work or away. Now they aren't doing so well. The idea that personal happiness is worth it at the expense of children is a myth. My ex has never taken responsibility for his own happiness. He's still unhappy. The kids are really struggling, and for what? The idea that if you don't fight in front of the kids that they will have the same life and opportunities as peers from stable families is just a myth. And blended families? Really tough on kids.

I guess OP that most of us are not buying the bs that you did everything and there was no use. My ex would cry about how he missed the kids, etc, his choice, I never once saw him cry in response to their feelings or needs.[/quote]

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