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[quote=Anonymous]	Last week must have been fight week because my husband and I got into it too. 
First, op, your history as painful and scary as it is doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for your behavior. What I mean is that either the fight was really bad, and some are, or you need to tell him “Certain things are triggering to me, if we are to stay married, I need you” and then you need to know what you yourself will do. You can’t get to the point where *you* are screaming at somebody and expecting them to be calm cool and collected. As I told my kid, a disinterested person might do that, but someone who loves you and cares about the situation won’t, they too are as scared and as angry and as emotional as you, so expect them to well, act poorly. 
Maybe this fight with your husband can serve as a “hey we need to change how we do things and how we fight” and that doesn’t mean one person keeps doing what they want to do and the other one says “okay”. 
For us what happened was very productive, my husband and I could have gotten into it today about something I wanted him to order, and when he asked “Why didn’t you say something” he really listened when I told him “because you ordered before you talked to me” which he’d done and so he ordered the items I asked for. Before our fight, I think he would have doubled down, “you knew I was ordering, I’m not ordering again, next time you’ll be more sure of what you want” today he truly grasped what I wanted, why he didn’t know about it before he placed the first order and what I needed him to do “order the things I would have ordered had you just asked me before you hit the buy button”. 
Some fights can be productive. I might suggest *you* talk to a therapist especially if your husband who hasn’t been bad to you before, who you still feel safe enough to share a bed with,  is doing something the ttriggers you. This couldn’t have been the first fight you two ever had, and it might not so much be your husband and other things going on in the room, the furniture say looked the same as your bad boyfriend the light shined through the window exactly as it did with the boyfriend when your husband threatened you, it might have had a lot less to do with your husband then you think. 
I wouldn’t divorce, op, not yet. He is good to your kid. You like him enough to still share a bed and a home with him, you didn’t even set up an air mattress in the living room. You worry about who he dates after you, one reason I’m hanging onto my husband, he won’t find anybody better for my kids than what he’s already got which is why it mattered so much that we resolve our fight. I also do love him. 
I think this is fixable, op. He cares enough to get counseling and he has a history of being good to you, and again, you still feel safe enough to share a home and bed. That is very telling. This is why I’m really not sure if it was a terrible fight, or if you are using normal human emotion to hold him to a standard most people couldn’t meet. Threatening isn’t nice, though I suspect you gave pretty good in that fight too, op. Most of us ladies have had a man do something bad to us physically which hasn’t been our fault. That can sometimes make it difficult to deal with our husbands. If it were me, I’d go to your husband, tell him you know about the counseling, and talk. Use this as a reset for what you’ll do going forward. Think of it like a history lesson like the Titanic, “we used to do it this way, something bad happened, we now do things very differently because something bad happened”. That is just sometimes how we learn as individuals, as families, as larger groups. And, you can divorce your husband whenever you’d like, op. You just can’t expect him not to date, not to find a woman he likes, not to have more children, he’ll never agree to just live in the house with you, and I don’t know why you’d want that anyway. If you are so concerned about your kid, you don’t want him/her seeing you go out and believe me they will know what you are up to. Kids are way smarter then adults realize, and they get there a lot quicker then we realize. [/quote]

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