Reply to "How are you?" How do you respond when "fine" is a lie?

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Reply to ""How are you?" How do you respond when "fine" is a lie?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think a party is the forum to get into these issues, but you also don't have to lie.  You can say, "things have been a bit difficult, if you are interested, let's get coffee sometime and catch up."[/quote]

I know this is unhelpful but if someone I did not know said this to me I would be absolutely paralyzed with not knowing how to respond appropriately. Like, it is rude to say 'no I am not at all interested and will never reach out to coffee'. If you feel the need to say something like this, then I feel it is on you to then 'say the next thing' that takes the pressure off the other person. Because in my head I now HAVE to ask what's up. You need to take on a question here. If I could suggest I think something like 'it has been a lot lately but way too much to talk about here! how about you, did Susie do alright in her game on Sunday?' 
[/quote]

Good point, but then would you feel bad and unheard if I went on about Susie's soccer success?[/quote]

Perhaps when not up for light social occasions it is ok to skip? One other factor is we never know what others are dealing with. So someone with say a job loss or dying parent may go to a light party for a respite and have someone trauma dump on them. It's not an appropriate forum. To seek help from close friends, do it elsewhere, on the phone, etc. It presupposes that your difficult time and need for therapy level support from acquaintances is more important than anyone else's problems or need for lighthearted socializing. When I went through a difficult time and trauma dumped, I stopped getting invitations. Natural consequences but did not feel great at the time. Time and place matter and sometimes trained help is needed. [/quote]

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