Reply to I filed for divorce today and feel awful

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]This.[b] OP, my kids seem to have internalized their dad leaving us [/b](midlife crisis) as they weren't worth caring about. Ex thinks thousands of dollars of therapy will "fix" it but it's not the same thing as a dad who dug deep, realized happiness comes from within and from being a good person, and who built a good childhood for them. Kids from single parent homes do not do as well, there isn't enough to go around - time, attention, $, and the kids have to make adjustments that they don't have the resources to navigate. My ex was so into the nesting idea/kids stay put and parents move in and out, if we ever split, then decided it was "too much" for him to live like that, better to foist it on preschoolers. [/quote]

This makes me nuts, and I've seen it all over this thread, starting on the first page.  (Sorry, PP, this is just the straw that broke the camel's back.)  While it's possible that it's true in your case (the rest of your post is tl;dr), most divorced women I know misuse this phrase.  He didn't leave "us," he left you, the spouse, the individual.  There's a big, big difference.  I know there are men who really leave their families - don't see the kids anymore, don't appear to care about them - and they suck beyond words.  But more often, I think, men (and women) leave their spouse, and still are parents to the kids, and involved with them.  Saying "he left us" is a combination of victimization, pity party, and attempting to mate the leaving spouse appear to worse than s/he really is.  I know it comes from a place of hurt, but that doesn;t make it accurate, or healthy.  I really hope you don't pass on that narrative to your kids.    [/quote]

Well, he moved out and moved in with a coworker and the kids she has partial custody of. She and her children have never met our kids. He sees them sporadically, typically at a restaurant. It's not the best "quality time" with young kids. It is becoming progressively less frequent. The kids feel like Daddy doesn't care and they feel "replaced", DS's word, not mine. So it is accurate, agree it's not healthy. [/quote]

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