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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m currently a senior at a “prestigious” state flagship (think UVA, UMich, Berkeley, etc). My time at college has been pretty miserable, and I don’t have anything to show for it.

I graduated high school in May of 2020. High school was a bad experience; I moved in the middle of high school from the DMV to the Mountain West, and I made no friends at my new school during my junior and senior years of high school. During March of my senior year of high school, the pandemic hit. I was relieved that things like prom and graduation and senior week were cancelled because I had zero friends to do any of those things with. I don’t talk to anyone from high school, or from my childhood at all for that matter.

My freshman year of college started in September of 2020. It was entirely online. I was in my parents’ house the whole time and took remote classes. Not fun. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I came to my college's campus for the first time. As soon as I hit campus, I rushed a sorority because my older sister went to the same big state school I went to and had a very positive experience in a sorority. But I neglected to consider that my sister and I are very different people — she’s much more of a conventional “sorority” girl than me. I dropped my sorority at the end of my sophomore year because I was a terrible fit for Greek Life. None of those girls continued to talk to me afterwards.

My junior year of college started in September of 2022. I got in a serious relationship with a wonderful guy who dumped me at the end of the year because I “have a lot of baggage” and am “too alienated and disconnected to be joyful around.” I’m really sad about this because this guy was a really emotionally intelligence and caring guy. I also spent all of my (very limited free time) around my ex-boyfriend and his friends, and when he dumped me this past May, I was left with no social life or close relationships.

This past September was the beginning of senior year of college. I was abroad this past fall, which I really enjoyed, but it didn’t lead to any permanent friendships or relationships (my abroad program had very few American college students and I spent most of my time with Europeans and the locals which I thoroughly enjoyed). Technically, this is my last semester of college, but I graduated back in December because I had enough AP credits to graduate a semester early. I've been at home since Christmas, and I haven't talked to anyone from college in the meantime.

I really grinded my sophomore and junior years of college in a difficult major I had absolutely zero interest in (Computer Science), which I was only able to complete thanks to a cocktail of Adderall and Vyvanse I bought from a dealer (I don’t have ADHD but I have some inattentive ADHD tendencies). I hate CS and programming, but my parents forced me to pick a “lucrative” major. I hated the idea of pre-med, and I didn’t want to do Business/Econ/Finance (my sister was in the business school at my college and works in consulting, and I know I wouldn’t fit into that culture at all or find the work interesting), so I just chose CS because it seemed like my only option (even though I loathe STEM). While I somewhat resent my parents for forcing me to choose among a limited set of majors, I understand why they’d do this — they grew up below the poverty line in dying industrial New England towns and were among the few people from their rural hometowns to make it out.

This past summer, I interned at a tech company as a software engineer that paid me pretty well (the company is maybe one step down from a FAANG in terms of prestige). However, I didn’t get a return offer because my manager told me that I didn’t take initiative and could only complete my deliverables when micromanaged. I don’t disagree with this — my apathy for all things CS-related really just made me jaded towards the whole internship and I definitely slacked off.

I've been at home living in my parents' basement for the past three months, essentially just sending blank applications for post-grad jobs into the void. I've sent over a hundred so far, but to no response. I have no friends from college or high school who can vouch for me. My parents are doctors, so they can't really help me out either. I feel like I have no way to really get an "in" into any job. I don't even know what type of job I'd want in the near future -- I hate CS/tech/STEM, but it seems like all I'm really qualified for.

I feel abandoned by everyone in my life. My parents, teachers, and professors all told me that "a degree in CS from Berkeley/UVA/UMich is worth its weight in gold," but I feel extremely disconnected from whatever is supposed to make me happy in my twenties. I ran cross country and rowed crew in high school, which taught me how to endure painful situations and keep pushing myself past my limits. I adopted this mindset with me in college as well -- it was the only way to get through a difficult degree at a big, competitive flagship where I had no friends. But maybe I'm at my limit when it comes to enduring and pushing. I feel really disconnected from everything.

Even my therapist dumped me, saying that I have Borderline Personality Disorder and telling me that I need to find a therapist who specializes in BPD.

I don't know. Maybe this site can tell me to suck it up and get my shit together. Maybe you guys can tell me that I should do more introspective navel-gazing. I don't know. I'm so lost. I feel like I'm drowning. [/quote]

WTF is up with these long long fake outrageous superfluous posts [/quote]

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