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Reply to "Teens bedroom is a health hazard but teen won't clean it. CPS breathing down my neck. Wtd?"
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[quote=Anonymous]Sending a hoarding child to live with a hoarder may not be deemed doing OP's duty of care. https://www.brettpritchardlaw.com/blog/2021/may/5-stages-of-the-child-protective-services-cps-in/ OP, talking at CPS about how you cannot manage your home only helps them build a case, can you see that? You DO control the state of the room, take everything out. Something is up with you that you have responded by letting it get very bad MONTHLY and that you feel powerless over it. Perhaps patterns from living with her hoarder father. YOU are allowing all of your children to live in a home where one room is full of bugs and rotting food and you thought you were blocked by a child from changing it. CPS is right to be concerned not just about the room but about your parenting. What do you think the other reports may have been about? Do you have depression or executive function issues, OP? Regardless, take everything out, do not buy snack foods. All meals at kitchen table or dining room table. Room is bare but for bed and nightstand. Put 5 outfits in a storage bin and she can pick 1 from it each morning, it is kept in your bedroom. Her room is cleaned every night by YOU. YOU are the one who is being investigated, not DD. Your house had a room full of bugs and rotting food that you did not effectively address. Your youngest is traumatized because YOU are not responding effectively to conditions that has CPS visiting. You need to snap out of the co-dependent fog OP. Your DD is not your ex. Your parenting is on the radar of the system re: the condition of YOUR HOME. The children, no matter how troubled, are not in charge, YOU are. You only stepping up once a month has put the safety of your kids at risk. Your not keeping the room managable > YOU taking time off of work. As a divorced mom of 4 you cannot risk your job. Do not send her to her father without getting legal advice. Could be out of the frying pan into the fire re: "duty of care." You may need to make it 100% clear that going to live with him is not an option, depending on what the attorney says. How much contact do they have with their dad? Does he work? Has he ever acknowledged his hoarding? If so, perhaps he can work with you? What are his diagnoses? [/quote]
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