Reply to Are most men just inherently “selfish”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]				As another poster asked, why do you have to leave the apartment if he’s in a meeting? If it’s the apartment, get one that works better, if it’s your behavior, change it, and if he asks you to leave, break up with him. I’m not kidding with all these suggestions. 
As for if men are selfish, no, they just need to be told in a way most women don’t, “No, I won’t leave the apartment” or “I really do need you to text when the meeting is done”. Or, you can say “since you didn’t text, I will no longer be leaving the apartment” 
You have a lot of options here, op. 
As a tangent, this is why I advise women to at least pay for their own place whether it’s rent or just being nice to your mom so you aren’t reliant on a boyfriend. The reason is that you are in girlfriend mode because you aren’t married. A girlfriend gives the boyfriend space to work or study, a wife says “study all you want, this is my home too, and why would I leave, I like it here, I’ve got the stuff I like here, I don’t want to find out what’s open and then maybe spend money or consume food I don’t want, I’m staying right here”. 
You don’t need to fight, but nor do you need to frame this as a character flaw on his part. He’s just being a silly man and unless he’s directing you to stay out, he’s probably not a bad guy. 
And no, most men wouldn’t understand why walking around after dark is a problem, I remember a similar issue when my husband and I were dating, and he couldn’t grasp the problem, after all nobody had bothered him after dark, and he wouldn’t bother anybody so why on earth would I even worry or think something bad would happen, and if it did, well, all the person would want was money. I remember thinking maybe for the first time “my mom was right, men and women are different” and really grasping what the meant, the world looks very different to us ladies then it does for the men.  I’d also argue that it takes men longer to learn how to treat a woman probably because of feminism or at least how it is sometimes practiced. I sure can take care of myself after dark, it doesn’t mean that I’d prefer not to do it when I’ve got a romantic partner in my life, and that looks like them waiting with me if we need to wait, or if they are picking me up, picking me up in areas with lots of people around, ideally other sober women, think lady bar tenders. These are things I don’t think are explained to men the way they used to be. And yes, I’ll take a kind caring slightly sexist man over one that would just expect me to handle it because that’s what his sister does. That’s only my preference and you op can choose differently. [/quote]

Right. You can’t expect people to read your mind and always be trying to smooth your way. The typical man wouldn’t agree to stay out of his own home indefinitely because his GF may or may not be on a zoom call. There’s no need for a woman to agree to it. A man NEVER would have wandered around for hours meekly wondering when he would be allowed to return. This is an example of the positive side of male self-centeredness that women should emulate. [/quote]

Was this a zoom meeting?  
I assumed this was an in person work/social thing he was hosting in the evening, and he let it go on longer than he said he would.

And yes, men will come back in the middle of something like that, even when they have been asked to be out of the house/apartment.  But it’s rude.

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