Reply to Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild.  My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.[/quote]

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?[/quote]

Well, the kids can't afford it.  And they can't afford for one of them to stay home.  I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out.  And of course, it has.  Mom and dad have solved the problem.  She's 27 and he's 37.  It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what?  They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.[/quote]

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did?  I figured it out.  The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this.  Seriously.[/quote]

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education.  I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage.  I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life.  I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime).  There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage.  Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.[/quote]

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.[/quote]

Ding dong it's not suffering...it's called doing it on your own.  Fly...be free.  This is PP btw.  The enabling culture of parents these days is crippling to kids.[/quote]
There's a difference between helping out and totally enabling. I grew up poor, my parents couldn't help at all with college, grad school, weddings, downpayments, etc. I went into credit card debt (not much, about $3K) because I didn't have enough money to pay for a security deposit on my first apartment, pay dental bills, and buy clothes for my first office job. DH and I nearly divorced with our first child, who had medical issues as an infant. If my parents were able to help pay for college, housing, housekeeping, babysitters, really, anything, it would have helped so much. To add financial stress on top of an already stressful life does not have to be the cost of building character or independence or whatever. When I look at my sister, who married into a family with money, her life was much less stressful. They received a downpayment for their home, college was fully funded for the kids, and things like healthcare costs could be paid out of a trust. My sister and her husband aren't extravagant by any means, but they have so much less stress because her spouse's family was able to help out financially.[/quote]

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