Reply to If your DH has a good female friend…

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If your DH has a good female friend…"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow.  I am so grateful for so many insightful replies. It really helps to see things from different angles.  I think I need to take the bull by the horns (hah) and try for another sit-down conversation with DH, drawing on some of the strategies you folks have suggested.  Many many thanks [/quote]
If you confront him head-on he will deny and start sneaking around.[/quote]

This is true. But I understand OP’s impulse. She doesn’t want to go all CSI on her H without trying to honestly communicate. I tried the same thing, and eventually had to go digging. But I wasn’t comfortable digging until I had made a good faith effort to solve things through communication and honesty. When he kept lying? Forget it, I became Agatha freaking Christie. He never knew what hit him (and I say that with no glee. I left. It sucked. But I wasn’t going to let him cheat and stay. Eff that.).[/quote]

Is he with her still?[/quote]

Of course not. It “meant nothing”, he wanted to try, etc., etc. But the level of anxiety, depression, and eventual panic I felt trying to quell the nagging feeling in my brain and gut that he let me experience, all the while knowing I was right, was unforgivable. He knew I knew something was wrong and swore up, down, left/right and center that all was well. This was not someone who had my back, or my well-being in mind. I told him I would never have watched him suffer the way he watched me. That if I wanted to be with someone else, I would have just said so and left. That he could’ve done the same thing. People end relationships all the time. But no, it’s like I said upthread to OP. It’s not that he didn’t want me. He wanted me, and also whatever or whomever else he felt entitled to. It was deeply, deeply unattractive, and killed my interest. [/quote]

Same! That’s the thing I struggle with the most, they knew how incredibly miserable I was yet just let me twist there for 18 months. Letters begging for honesty, face-to-face conversations when they were asked point blank “are you seeing someone?” All met with silence.  [/quote]

Yes. It’s impossible to unsee it when you’re faced with your partner’s void of empathy. For me it translated into what our future would look like. What if I got sick? What happens when one of my parents becomes ill? It became clear I couldn’t rely on my H to be there for me. To my surprise, the infidelity alone might not have been a deal breaker. The length of time of the dishonesty was. That’s not a mistake, it’s a character flaw.

It’s really hard realizing you were wrong about someone. I had to say goodbye, not just to who I thought he was, but what I thought we were. It helped that he expressed remorse. But I would have never trusted him again. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics