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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a FTL uncle.  His siblings and their spouses were super pissed being saddled with him asking for money all the time after their dad died.  They stopped giving money and his health deteriorated pretty quickly without proper health care and nutrition.  My sister, his niece, went to visit and found him emaciated.  She started getting him signed up for services, which he qualified for, but his own parents and siblings never did that which really surprises me in retrospect.  He really wasn’t capable of figuring out how to do that in his own.

I would urge OP and others to seek diagnoses and services the FTL people probably qualify for as early as possible.  Don’t let them starve and don’t let them freeload if they qualify for government assistance.  [/quote]

Part of the problem is that their parents did not want to deal with the stigma of mental illness, learning disabilities and developmental disabilities. The buck gets passed to the siblings. [/quote]

In my sibling's family, it's the oldest child with austism. The other three kids also have tremendous need and I suspect are on the spectrum, but the parents created this dynamic where it's just this one kids' needs versus everyone else, and everyone must center this one kid.  So noone got the help they needed, not even the one that they cater to because it's more for their identity than anything else. It's like tehy couldn't cognitively handle other kids with needs.  One has very severe ADHD, and my sibling is like "ADHD can be managed, it's not the autism".  I 'm like "YES BUT YOU HAVE TO MANAGE IT!" Not just sit there . [/quote]

So relatable. The assumption that if you don't have the biggest, worst problem in the family, then you have no problems at all AND have the capacity to help and support the one person with the most problems is so common.

I think on all the challenges I've dealt with as an adult with absolutely no support from my family -- depression, a birth injury, a kidney disorder, my husband losing both his parents, and a kid with special needs. And I've never had a parent or sibling offer any kind of support through any of that -- no one has ever come to stay with my kids while I rehabbed from surgery, or checked in on me while I struggled through depression, or reached out to support my family through loss.

And now they think I'm going to take in one of my siblings like a third child and support them until I die? NO. Why? I had to figure it out. So can they. It's not how I think it should be and it's not how I treat my own children, but it's the precedent my parents set and I'm not going to martyr myself to fixing their mistakes. [/quote]

Oh my gosh, are you me? My sister had an entire orbit of people helping her babysit when she didn't even have a job. It was always "Oh, but she doesn't know how to manage things like you do" Well that's because it was sink or swim for me. And I've had MAJOR health issues, but oh no, you need to be the one to do airport pickup because your sister has kids and it's raining! GTFOH[/quote]

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