Reply to Tired of “sophisticated” friends of my 4th grade DD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 4th grader. I am not into the crop top look either, but DD begs to wear them and I’m just not going to die on that hill.
Don’t you remember when you were young and your parents forbade you to wear something, so you just brought it to school and changed there? I’m just skipping that charade. Banning stuff just increases their allure. 
I draw the line at:
 hair dyeing/highlighting. 
Multiple piercings 
[/quote]

OP and her friend who is the most adventurous with this stuff has salon bleached hair and all that. I am not “sexualizing” this girl; she and her mom tease me for not taking DD in for hair dye or permitting the makeup or belly shirts; the girl claims she is “bisexual” and maybe she is. DD hasn’t expressed any identity-defining sexuality stuff ever to us but to be fair, she seems quite far from her first period and puberty, small for her age and not into crushes at this point. She doesn’t ask for clothes and has never changed at school or anything. I posted because this mother and another keep trying to needle me over this sh!t and I feel pretty defensive and fed up at this point. I totally get that curiosity and appropriateness over time will change things, but I don’t think I’m an oppressor since DD doesn’t ask and has friends who are absolutely not into cool clothes or devices on any level, so I think it’s okay. I got flamed initially and I don’t think I’m being a jerk, I think I’m long-term acquaintances with 2 particular moms who don’t like that DD and I are not exactly like them at this stage, even if DD is further away from those big physical and emotional upheavals than their DDs at this stage. I hate the comments I get periodically but we are all mothers to only girls so I know my context is way more limited than that of many parents here. [/quote]

OP, I'm also a mom to an only girl who is in elementary and I don't think you need to justify anything. They can do what they want, but what you are doing is totally in line with how we're raising our DD and I don't think it's hurting your kid. Not even socially. The kids are at an age where having parents say they can't do certain things is still acceptable. It's not like they are juniors in high school and your kid has a 7pm curfew. You are doing the right thing. I am actually grateful to you as a fellow parent because if more parents were like you, it would be easier to raise these kids. Don't let these other parents pressure you into their crap parenting approach just so they can feel validated. YOU are doing the right thing. They are being lazy or lacking in values. Parenting is not about making your kid "cool" or giving in to every trend or whim. You're doing it right.[/quote]

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