Reply to Disagreement regarding telling our kids we are divorcing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is one you need to ask the family counselor about. Like others say, you only tell kids things that are in their benefit to know.

I have a friend currently going through a divorce, and the circumstances are so messed up and out of left field, that the kids could tell something major had happened. So when the parents were saying stuff like "we both decided we didn't love each other like that anymore", their 11 and 14 year old knew something was up. And were being consumed by the stress and guilt of thinking they did something.  So the family counselor said in that case it was okay to tell them a very PG version of what dad did, so they stopped wondering. [/quote]

“We both decided” isn’t fair to one spouse if it’s not true.[/quote]

Ok - so mom may have decided, but do you really think that’s the whole story of their marriage and divorce?  I tell my kids we both decided (I finally called it after years) because it’s better than for me to say: I felt emotionally and sexually abandoned by your father who I realized had anger issues and a low libido and didn’t / couldn’t want to grow emotionally?

An affair is often a symptom of a larger relational issue.

OP - protect your kids and yourself (!) by not starting the blame game! [/quote]

This. If she divorces after an affair it’s because something was wrong in that marriage. Otherwise she would have kept the affair quiet and stayed in the marriage. [/quote]

Or she got caught and her life imploded and she realizes that her husband will never see her the same way again. Divorce is easier for a truly avoidant person. [/quote]

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