Reply to Estrangement from parents causing them to reach out more in really weird and surface-level ways?

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Reply to "Estrangement from parents causing them to reach out more in really weird and surface-level ways?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Dysfunctional families are often addicted to their dysfunctional dance and don't accept boundaries or take responsibility or apologize. You need to remain calm. Any frustrated interactions you have, reinforce the dance. You let them know all the things you found hurtful and they are letting you know they will not take responsibility in any way at this point.

I would get therapy to cope because they will keep reaching out, gossiping about you, etc. and you want to learn how to detach. Also, you want some detached and calm phrases you can use when anyone outside the family or in extended family tries to drag you in.

I went very low contact and am willing to send polite cards and have polite exchanges, but have zero tolerance for abuse. There were countless attempts to draw me into chaos, drama, fights. I ignored.

it got to the point I could not even meet in a public place or have a phone conversation. I needed proof of every interaction so i could not be gaslit. Now I see the abusive text and know that yes, there was abuse and yes, I am secure in staying very detached. Nobody can gaslight me about this text that contains 12 insults and 2 threats and nobody can tell me I provoked it because I see only a polite and detached email from me saying "Hope you have a wonderful Valentine's day" that in no way could even be seen as a passive aggressive dig worthy of that response.

The way I see it is you try everything to make a relationship work. Then you slowly step back until you find that comfort zone where there can be respectful and not abusive interactions. Sometimes sadly that means estrangement, but it's a gradual movement.[/quote]

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