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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your kids will hate you for recreating the unstable family you came from.

Your mom was the chaos vector, now it's you with the power play.

If not a troll, your romanticizing casual sex and describing your adulthood and family life as "wasted years" is extremely pathological. It sounds like you may be cycling in and out of mania and surrounding yourself with unstable people. Healthy people in midlife are not glorifying one night stands or wanting to "cry" about missing them.

You have become your mother, chaotic, selfish, self justifying, destructive of key human bonds, with an untreated mental illness and mood disorder. Lots more work to do, OP. Start with a good psychiatrist. Mood disorders in perimenopause are real and you have the genetic background. Blowing up your life is not a recommended treatment and glorifying risk taking behavior that is not healthy is a slippery slope.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8475932/

A literature review in PsycInfo Ovid of records pertaining to first-onset mood disorders during perimenopause showed that this multifactorial process involves hormonal fluctuations, with estrogen being a key player. In addition, vasomotor symptoms, previous negative life events, and socioeconomic status were found to contribute to first-onset mood disorders during perimenopause. Treatment options include established medication regimens for psychiatric conditions; however, hormone therapy also has proven beneficial for this patient population.

You may also want to listen to

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/01/27/1227062470/keto-ketogenic-diet-mental-illness-bipolar-depression

Your therapy focusing on self esteem seems to be missing mental illness and trauma repetition patterns. Get better help, OP, if you are not a troll.

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